Despite what those of you who grew up in the 80s might have been led to believe by Whitney Houston, children are not, in fact, the future. As if walking down the street at 3:00 PM isn’t enough incentive to allow not only stem cell research, but cloning and modification of genes to eliminate certain traits, I offer this little fiasco as further proof that children aren’t fit to develop naturally. Oh, and their parents are even less capable of raising a decent offspring then Britney on a bender.
“When we had them in custody at the station, they were laughing about it, saying, ‘Well, I guess this spring break we won’t go to the beach,” Judd told The Early Show. “One of the suspects asked the detective, ‘Am I going to get to go to cheerleading practice tomorrow?”
Who commits a third degree felony and laughs about it in front of the damn sheriff? Idiots. And what, you might ask, could possibly lead kids to commit such an act (since we are obviously going to rule out accountability by the kids or their half-assed parents)? According to the victim’s father: the interwebs!
“I want stiffer punishments for these shock Web sites that entice kids to make these videos so they can be famous on the Internet,” Patrick told The Ledger of Lakeland, Fla. “That is the motive, I am sure of it. It’s crazy and it’s terrible and they’re gonna pay.”
The kids or the interwebs? But not to be outdone, one of the criminal’s parents chimed in:
After the girls were arrested, Christina Garcia told the newspaper she looked at Lindsay’s MySpace page and saw the message: “hahaha all in jail.”
“A lot of people think, ‘I can say whatever I want on here and nobody’s gonna say anything,’” Garcia said. “A fight is a fight, but this was a beatdown. She did not deserve what she got, but I don’t know how she’s that messed up and able to get on the computer and talk about that.”
First of all, if a bunch of people beat the ever-loving shit out of me, you can bet your bottom dollar the first thing I’d do after I got out of the hospital (and court taking all their monies), is taunt the hell out of them. The least this girl deserves is to taunt the bastards on MySpace. I’d be down at the county jail drinking Slurpees and flinging feces (maybe my own and maybe whatever’s handy) at those losers. And then we’d have the wedgie/swirly combo sessions. And then I’d be there to drive the nails through their fucking arms. Because seriously, the least these soulless cancers on society deserve is to be nailed to a damn cross. Christ, all Jesus did was raise a dude from the dead and clone fish and bread (eat it Dr. Suess!) and they crucified him. And what about the parents? Anyone who, in all seriousness, blames the interwebs (which I happen to <3 aLOT), should be forced to spend the rest of their lives as Dr. Phil’s maids. And dear baby Jesus, I hope he makes them all wear skimpy maid outfits and touches them in places.
