Archive for politics
November 7, 2008 at 8:17 pm
· Filed under Entertainment, McCain, Obama, Pop Culture, internet, politics ·Tagged elections, Obama, Super Mario World, video games
I’m back after a long hiatus. I tried to avoid the “blogosphere” during the election, mostly because I was tired of idiots spouting garbage about this being the most important election ever or how I had to vote or how McCain is old or socialist candidates are good. The list goes on. At any rate, when you’re done touting how great it is that democracy is working again in America (we are a republic, not a democracy) or that the world might start liking us again (it won’t – countries don’t hate presidents, they hate Americans because, for the most part, they think we are uneducated buffoons and based on the last election, it seems, for the most part, that they are still right) head on over to superobamaworld.com and get your socialist game on. It seems some asshats have gone ahead and made Obama into a video game. And to make it worse, they ripped off Super Mario World to do so (I have no idea how to embed such things here, so hit the link if you want to run around and collect American flags and stomp on pigs in what might be the single worst game ever made – but hey, if you like Obama, you’ll pretty much take anything, huh?). This makes me sad. More sad than when the clown actually paid to ruin video games by campaigning in them. I could handle my money being stolen and given to people who don’t work. I’m resigned to the advent of socialized healthcare. Hell, I might even be able to survive raising capital gains taxes to 25%. But taking over video games? Bastardizing one of the greatest, most entertaining gaming franchises of all time? Ripping away a precious part of my childhood for the sake of bludgeoning me over the head just a one more time with Obamania? Too far, I say. Too far. It’s time we, as a people, rise up and make a stand. To the polls!
Update: So presidential elections are once every four years, apparently. When did that happen? Quick, science, make me a flux capacitor! I need to go back to November 3.
Update: Success!
Update: Couldn’t turn the election, but Time Lincoln promised me vengeance.
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August 11, 2008 at 7:05 pm
· Filed under Pop Culture, internet, politics ·Tagged African American, EJCC, global warming, joke, Katrina, omg this is stupid!, racism, who let these people talk, wtf
A rare post of semi-seriousness!!!
Apparently there is some sort of quasi-official (read:waste of taxpayer dollars) group dedicated to resolving the issue of the racial imbalance of global warming. The Environment Justice and Climate Change Initiative (EJCC) apparently fancies themselves enough of a legitimate group to warrant the attention of policy makers. In what comes as no surprise to anyone, anywhere South Carolina Democrat (and House Whip) James Clyburn has jumped on the bandwagon to propagate action against the nefarious, rich polluters who force such economic burdens on “African-Americans.”*
The commission Clyburn helped launch claims Hurricane Katrina’s impact on New Orleans was a preview of how global warming will affect African-Americans.
[W]hile individual storms cannot be linked specifically to climate change, scientists warn that warmer waters may foster-more intense storms,” the background paper on the commission’s efforts, authored by Michel Gelobter, Carla Peterman and Azebuilke Akaba said. “The flooding of New Orleans still highlights the vulnerability of the African-American community to types of extreme weather events expected with global climate change.”
I find it interesting that they site New Orleans after Katrina as an example of the vulnerability of blacks to global climate changes. Weren’t these the same people who were using their government issued bail-out checks and cash cards for hookers and booze?**
Interestingly, in their quest for alternative energy sources that would be less costly to minorities, the proposed solution involves not letting investors reap the rewards of new products.
J. Andrew Hoerner, director of the sustainable economics program at Redefining Progress and a co-author of the EJCC report, told the Business & Media Institute that solutions to climate change should be designed in a way so investors don’t reap all the benefits.
There’s more about his idiotic solution, but what I want to point out is that if investors aren’t making money, they aren’t investors. They are donors. And at the risk of being condemned as a racist, this has to be the stupidest thing I have ever seen and I’ve watched a friend be taped running laps around a football field naked because the Buckeyes won a football game. Despite the lack of scientific evidence supporting global warming, am I expected to believe such a phenomena can be classified as racist? What next? I suppose the ocean’s racist for launching so many devastating hurricanes in eastern Asia or on the poorer island countries between South and North America? Maybe the moon’s racist for appearing white in the evening sky?
Upon further review, don’t click the links. Don’t read about this. Don’t even acknowledge it. I did and I am 3% dumber for it. You have been warned.
*Note that true African Americans are those born in Africa who matriculate to America. The prefix-like use of “African” before “American” supposes some sort of pre-established African culture brought to America. I am curious as to how true African Americans feel about the use of the term by America in her quest to be as PC as possible to group them together with American people of color.***
**Not that I am saying this is a bad thing, but look: hurricane destroyed your home. You get free money for hookers and booze. Don’t expect me to feel too sorry for you; I have to pay for my hookers and booze out of my own pocketbook.
***Hint: it’s not pink!
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July 30, 2008 at 2:36 pm
· Filed under Entertainment, Movies, Obama, Pop Culture, politics ·Tagged Alaska, Dame Judy Dench, Danielle Day-Lewis, Fergie pees her pants, Nicole Kidman, Obama, Senator, Ted Stevens
Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens (Rep) has been indicted for lying about accepting gifts (read: bribes) from an oil company. He is accused of receiving more than a quarter of a million dollars in kickbacks including “a new first floor, garage, wraparound deck, plumbing and electrical wiring. He also is accused of accepting from VECO a gas grill, furniture and tools, and of failing to report swapping an old Ford for a new Land Rover for his daughter Lily.” Stevens denies the allegations siting the fact that the gas requirements of the Land Rover would quickly balance the cost of the gifts from VECO.
In an effort to clear his name of the ambiguous nature his “Hopeful Future” campaign bestowed upon him, Presidential hopeful Barack Obama has announced that, if elected, he will order review of executive orders that might “trample on liberty.” When asked who would be his attorney general to carryout the broadly nebulous and vague goal typical for his platform, Obama responded with a shockingly detailed answer of “I don’t know.”
Pop singer Stacy Ann Ferguson (Fergie to the hip crowd) is “thrilled” to be playing “basically a prostitute on the beach” in Rob Marhsall’s production of Nine. She hopes to learn from some of the “great actors” also in the film, such as Danielle Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman and even Dame Judy Dench, in hopes of expanding her performing ability beyond singing trite pop songs and peeing her pants.
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June 30, 2008 at 2:31 pm
· Filed under McCain, Obama, Pop Culture, internet, politics ·Tagged Bush, if Obama's president I'm moving to Mexico, it's over, McCain, Obama, president, stupid, Whopper Jrs are yumE., wtf
Well, the thesis is done and I’m back to my coveted tendency to waste time whenever, wherever and however possible (I’m like a superhero that way), so back to blogging:
We all know counting is a huge problem for Barack Obama, but who knew it wasn’t limited to a clueless Presidential candidate, but his supporters as well. In a recent attempt to weaken McCain’s position as Commander and Chief, Obama supporter Wesley Clark has gone on record to say that McCain’s leadership experience doesn’t give him experience being a leader:
“He has been a voice on the Senate Armed Services Committee and he has traveled all over the world, but he hasn’t held executive responsibility,” Clark said. “That large squadron in the Navy that he commanded — that wasn’t a wartime squadron.”
“In the matters of national security policy making, it’s a matter of understanding risk,” he said on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” “It’s a matter of gauging your opponents and it’s a matter of being held accountable. John McCain’s never done any of that in his official positions. I certainly honor his service as a prisoner of war. He was a hero to me and to hundreds of thousands and millions of others in the armed forces, as a prisoner of war.”
Question: If McCain doesn’t have experience as a commander despite being a commander, what the hell experience does Obama have? What has he led (besides a bunch of clueless, moronic supporters who fail to recognize that his campaign a bunch of nothing simply because he gives away Dave Matthews tickets and a bullshit campaign centered on “hope for the future”)? The sad thing here, is that everyone in Obama’s boat will nod their heads sagely and say “Yes, that is quite true. Leadership experience doesn’t grant experience as a leader. What we need is more hope for a longer future. That’s leadership.” And “He was a hero to me and to hundreds of thousands and millions of others in the armed forces, as a prisoner of war.” You and hundreds of thousands and millions, huh? The millions doesn’t include yourself or the hundreds of thousands? Bear with me here, I’m still struggling to understand the concepts of zero and 60 United States comprising the Union, but isn’t “millions” bigger than “hundred thousands?” Again, if Bush said this, imagine the outbreak of “He’s so stupid” choruses that would flood the interwebs and newspapers.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’m voting for McCain, but the more I hear from Obama and his supporters, the more I’m inclined to think a a Whopper Jr. would make a better nominee than Barack. Tastier, too.
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June 6, 2008 at 7:27 pm
· Filed under Entertainment, Pop Culture, politics ·Tagged Barack's a moron, don't vote, Obama, OMG we are all DOOMED, president, wtf
I guess congrats to Obama for securing the democratic bid for the presidency. And somehow in all the thesis writing, I apparently missed Obama telling a crowd in Oregon that he had been in 57 states with one left to go (not counting Hawaii or Alaska because he wasn’t allowed to go there). So for all you doubters out there, have a little faith and hope in the future. Seriously, these 60 states of this great union ain’t gonna run themselves. The folks over at NewsBusters have a video and make a good point: had this been McCain, it would have been plastered all over the god damn planet. And aren’t there all sorts of posters and movies (Oliver Stone I’m looking at YOU) out there mocking Bush for this same thing? Come on, Liberal Nation, at least TRY to be consistent.*
*Seriously if you vote for Obama, I’m breaking into your house and punching you in the face. I could deal with his meaningless tripe of a campaign platform, but seriously: Do NOT vote for a presidential nominee who doesn’t know how many states are in the Union.**
**I’m not saying vote for McCain either. What am I saying? Spend your time doing something more useful. Like preparing for the Zombie apocalypse. Or moving to Canada, where, presumably, Obama won’t find you since it’s after Alaska on the “List of States to Visit” and he’s not allowed to go there.
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April 23, 2008 at 3:32 pm
· Filed under Entertainment, Movies, Pop Culture, internet, politics ·Tagged Clone Wars, Eff you George Lucas, George Lucas, Hayden Christensen, I hate you for making Vader a bitch, movie trailer, Star Wars
Well, the title pretty much says it all (yay interwebs!), so check it out here. Although, I must say that after the last three cinematic abortions that were brutally ripped from the CGI womb of George Lucas with a rusty reel-to-reel projector, this looks like it might be surprisingly entertaining. At least with the cartoonish, Final Fantasy style computer animation, I won’t have to deal with another three hours of Hayden Panettierre Christensen’s womanish, whiny, bitch antic ladened portrayal of one of the greatest villians of all time. And no, I’m still not over that whole fiasco. I swear to God, Buddha, Methuselah and by the mighty hammer of Thor that if you ruin Indiana Jones (I’m already blaming you for the title, you fat slob) I will come at your pedophile ranch like the Death Star at Alderaan.
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April 15, 2008 at 8:24 pm
· Filed under politics ·Tagged Che Guevara, communist, damn she kicked me hard, I don't know if I'll ever reproduce, Obama, politics, poster
As I was walking home from work last night, I happened to notice the new(ish) Obama posters (below) in a discouragingly high amount of dorm windows round campus….I hate college kids. The new posters for Obama’s presidential campaign display the hopeful candidate as somewhat of a totalitarian communist manifesto returned from the depths of hell. They immediately bring to mind the T-shirts of douche frat boys who favor themselves “revolutionaries” or some such garbage displaying the face of Che Guevara. While I don’t think that this is the message he was hoping to send, I do, however, feel that they convey clearly and adequately what his campaign platform as been in the use of “HOPE” on the bottom. Originally, I had thought maybe it was an acronym to cleverly highlight specific points of his platform, but upon further investigation, it turned out that (A) there is no acronym – it’s just a stupid word that in this case is exceptionally vague and open-ended and (B) it was hung in a girl’s window who seemed to feel I was really trying to watch her undress. Using my quick, sly thinking, I calmly explained that were that the case, I’d be hoping she’d be a little easier on the eye if she caught my drift. She didn’t. She did, however, catch my nuts with her boot. In conclusion, I hope that eventually my testicles redescend from my stomach and it stops hurting to move. At this point, I think it’s safe to say kids are doubtful. Thanks, Obama. Sweet future I’m hoping for now….
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